He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
