Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
