when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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