last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
