No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
