The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
