ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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