It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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