Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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