Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
