I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
