Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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