playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
