Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
