It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
