there's paper in my vomit.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
