I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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