Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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