You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
