She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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