it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
