halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
