I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
