It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
