Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
