Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
