life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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