He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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