good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
