And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
