Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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