I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
