Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
