She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
