ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
