I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
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