i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
