I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
