My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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