I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
