you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
