good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
