I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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