This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
