I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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