Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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