At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
