If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can Purell be used as lube?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
