did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
