Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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