Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
