i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
