On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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