I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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