I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize