So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just puked most of my soul out..
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