Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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