i would punch a child for taco bell
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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