A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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