i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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