I wish I could teleport
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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