Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
