happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
