she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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