i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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