i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
