Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
