weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
God, I missed his penis.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
