so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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