oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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