Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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