Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
