things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
