Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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