Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
