So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
