i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
