The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
