Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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