Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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