I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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