Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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