During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
